


Stalking

by Xochiquetzl



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-08-18
Updated: 2002-08-18
Packaged: 2017-10-04 23:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xochiquetzl/pseuds/Xochiquetzl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a POV experiment that occurred to me when I had bronchitis and a fever. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stalking

I have a plan to make him mine, you know. I hang around outside his building and wait for him. He's the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I "accidentally" get in his way so he'll bump into me, and his friend says, "Come on, Daniel," and pulls him away before I can sink my claws into him (metaphorically speaking, of course), while Daniel protests, "Jaaaa-aaaack!" I think Jack's on to me.

Daniel's kind. I can tell. It's not easy being homeless; people who bump into me usually yell at me. His friend Jack gives me suspicious looks, but not Daniel. He just looks confused when I get in his way.

Oh yes. The conditions are perfect for my plan. It's cold and rainy and miserable, and he's heading for the door. I stand in his way and shiver pathetically, looking up at him. I can see him waver. I knew he was soft-hearted. I give him the final touch--I meow as pitifully as I can. Yes! Victory! He's scooping me up and tucking me under his coat. I'm purring so loudly I think I'm going to vibrate the building down.

He carries me inside, and the doorman gives him a dirty look. "She's cold and wet," Daniel mutters apologetically, and the doorman is immediately a co-conspirator. I should have known he'd be besotted, too.

Yes! Yes! He's opening me a can of tuna. **Expensive** tuna; the good kind. I'm purring even louder, not that I thought that was possible. He laughs at me, gently. "You're easy to please," he teases. You have **no** idea. Scritch my chin and I'll roll over and spread 'em like a five dollar whore. What the hell, I'm spayed; I'll get my thrills any way I still can.

I've used up my ninth life and gone to cat heaven, I swear.

* * *

"That cat's been stalking you for months!" Jack accuses.

I look up innocently, then segue into my best "I'm a poor homeless kitty" routine. He's not buying it. I decide that the "My human doesn't feed me and he beats me, too," routine is a bad idea and instead wash my face vigorously. We learned during the Victorian age that was the answer to anything. It roughly translates to, "At least I'm clean!"

"She's just a harmless little cat," Daniel protests.

"That's what they want you to think," Jack scoffs. "Cats are ruthless little predators. What's worse, they know they're cute and work it."

"Tell me you're not jealous of a cute little kittycat," Daniel challenges. I look up at Jack winningly, right on cue, and rub up against his legs, deliberately leaving a thick coat of shed hair on his pant leg.

"It's a good thing cats are only interested in food and comfy chairs," Jack observes. "The Goa'uld would be no match."

I wash my butt vigorously.

* * *

Jack is jealous. They're **not** an item. He gave me this long, envious look as he headed for the door.

Tough luck, pal. You snooze, you lose.

I trot around behind Daniel, watching him undress and perform his odd nighttime face and tooth grooming rituals. Then he climbs into bed, rolling onto his side. I hop up and tuck myself under his arm, purring.

"Subtle," Daniel observes, kissing me on the head. I just purr.

* * *

There's loud banging on the door. It's Jack. Daniel lets him in.

Jack meows.

He's stealing my spiel! I can't believe it! That... that... that... **COPYDOG**!

"Jack?" Daniel asks uncertainly. Jack meows again, pitifully. "Um, maybe you should sleep on my couch."

Jack rubs his face on Daniel's shoulder. I stifle the urge to shred him on the spot. I plan to take a whiz on his coat as soon as he takes it off. Copydog!

"Jack, you're freaking me out," Daniel says.

"It worked for the cat," Jack replies, grabbing Daniel and kissing him. **My** human! Mine! Maybe I won't wait for him to take the coat off...

Daniel is kissing him back. Oh, you **can't** be serious! I growl, ominously, and they go into the bedroom and **shut the door**! I deliberately shove a large book onto the floor, where it lands with a loud thud. They ignore me.

Copydog.

There are human mating sounds coming from the bedroom, and I reach up and delicately shred the sofa in a fit of pique. Afterwards, there are quiet voices, and then Jack starts singing "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me." Daniel gets up and goes into the kitchen, and heads back to the bedroom with cookies, at which point Jack starts singing, "N is for nookie." I jump up and interpose my body between them.

"So, have you named the cat?" Jack asks, scritching my ears. Yeah, like **that's** going to make me forgive you, pal. You're going to have to do a **lot** better than that!

"No, she hasn't told me her name yet, for some reason," Daniel comments, handing Jack a cookie.

I haven't told him my name because my previous human called me, "Fluffikins." Gag! Even if I **could** speak English, I wouldn't confess to **that** moniker!

Jack is looking at me thoughtfully. "Have you considered 'Fuzzbitch'?" he asks, scratching my chin.

Hey! I like it!

"I'm **not** naming my cat 'Fuzzbitch'!" Daniel protests with endearing indignation. He's **so** cute!

Maybe Jack's not that bad after all. He gives good scritch. Maybe, if he works for it, I **might** be able to tolerate his presence. Maybe. If he keeps scratching my chin **there**. Ohhhhhhh, yes.

Did I tell you you could stop? **Thank** you. Yes, as long as everyone remembers who's in charge, this should work out **just** fine.


End file.
